Sift Me Like Wheat

In times of mourning and tragedy I often find myself being captivated by the idea of a threshing floor and in the midst of our life's most recent tragic events it is in this image that I am beginning to find healing and ultimately hope for the future. I have modified a post that I made in 2008 because it was this post that I have read numerous times over this week and know that in its truth, the truth of the scripture that I find strength. My prayer is that I can become an example of how to suffer well.

As most of you know the first several years of Noah and my marriage have not been easy. I feel that we have been put through the fire and often selfishly feel we have walked this road too many times. I will not get into the specific circumstances of which have captivated our hearts, minds, and beings but trust me when I say that I wish these circumstances on no other person.

Luke 22:31-38… has often become my obsession when I am walking through the midst of any one of these trials. I would encourage you to read it for yourself but for the sake of keeping the flow I am going to focus on the first 2 verses of this passage.

31 Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat 32 But I have pleaded in prayer for you Simon that your faith would not fail.

Chew on that for a moment. This passage continuously hits home for me. My mind is immediately taken back to the night that Noah and I were engaged. If you have not heard the full story of the man prophesying over us ask me about it and I would love to fill you in… but for the sake of staying on point I will talk about a very specific point of that night.

As my mind is taken back to the beach in Ft Lauderdale FL around midnight with sand in my toes and the waves crashing behind me I vividly remember this man who told my future husband and me that anything that Satan would try to bring against us would have to go through God and He would have to allow it. I couldn’t fathom the depth of what that meant that night, I had no idea what the future had in store. I had no idea that that phrase would play in my mind year after year...

So back to the passage… two things stood out to me 1. Satan had to ask God permission and 2. Satan asked to sift him like wheat. Here became my obsession … what does it mean to be sifted like wheat? What is a threshing floor?

To give a very simple description a threshing floor is a place away from the town often on a high hill exposed to the wind so it can aid the workers. It is here where the wheat and the chaff are separated. The chaff, which is useless, blows away in the wind because of how light it is. The grain is heavier so it falls to the ground and is gathered for the harvest. I cannot tell you how many times God has brought this image to me in the midst of feeling "threshed" in order to remind me that He is the one who does the sorting in my life.

This brings me to one of my favorite passages in scripture 1 Ch. 21:18-28 (Please Read)

It is in this passage that King David goes to Ornan to buy a threshing floor from him, to build an alter to worship the Lord. When he gets there Ornan offers it to him free of charge. David insists on paying full price for the threshing floor and he says in verse 24 I will not offer a burnt offering to the Lord that cost me nothing. David grasps what true worship looks like, he grasps that true worship is a sacrifice of our lives, our wants, and selfish desires for His.

So what does David do next? He pays Ornan 600 pieces of Gold for the threshing floor then goes and builds an alter to worship the Lord.

How beautiful is that picture? The question then is...

How can I truly worship the Lord with my life and my whole heart if it has cost me nothing? Also when we do feel the sifting shouldn't we consider it a joyful experience? Oh this is so easier said than done. Trust me I know.

I so often find myself crying out to the Lord begging Him to tell me specifically what my offering should be, when He tells me I have to then ask for the strength to be faithful and give it away. This week that meant letting go of my second child. Though unborn this child was a miracle, a gift, and brought amazing joy to Noah and my life in the short 13 weeks of this baby's existence. and now I am seeking the Lord for strength to hand my baby to him.

Now my prayer is to be found faithful.

Little Sib you are now with Jesus and I know he will take good care of you. Know that your mommy and daddy loved you more than you could ever comprehend and my arms will always long to hold you but I am reassured in the fact that your life though short was a miracle that brought hope to so many people especially me. I love you baby... always and forever.

Allie Laughing- 6 Months

Catchin Up

April Happenings... This has been the first month that it has been beautiful outside so we have been regular at Lafayette Park which is conveniently right across the street from our house. Allie loves the park.

This was Allie's first time on the swing...as you can tell she didn't seem to enjoy it as much as I thought she would. However in her defense it was really close to nap time and she fell asleep in the stroller on the way home. Maybe attempt number two will be better on the swing :)

We love to go for walks on Saturdays in and around the parks and often to lunch with daddy. Almost EVERYTIME she falls asleep in the stroller on the way home.

This is the best invention ever made. Allie got this in her Easter basket and LOVES it. You but either a grape, apple, ice cube or really anything in it and she can suck on it. She gets SO excited everytime I get this out and let her have it.

Daddy has pretty much taken over bath time which I love cause it gives me a few minutes to myself and allows me to clean up after dinner so we can both relax once A is in bed. Thanks Daddy! Sometimes he gets in the bath with her and she just thinks that is the BEST thing ever :)

Getting to be such big girl she is going to be mobile before we know it.. she is so ready to take off and go. She can go in circles and backwards but hasn't figured out how to go forward just yet.

This month Allie decided she was DONE nursing. This was harder for me than anything. One day she was just done and has NEVER looked back. I am still pumping several bottles a day but she has started to supplement with a little formula. On the first day of having bottles she held it by herself. She is my little independent girl.

Easter Morning

Allie is 6 Months April 3, 2010

I can't believe my baby is 1/2 a year old. The time has truly flown by. She is such a joy and I count it a true blessing to be her parent. She makes Noah and me laugh on a daily basis. She is such a happy baby. All of our friends are continuously commenting on the fact that she is the happiest baby that they have ever seen and I have to admit she is rarely fussy...though she does have her moments. She has started sleeping on her side and wants to walk so bad, but her body just wont cooperate YET. She cut her first tooth and her second one was literally a day behind it so she is now sporting two pearly whites on the bottom. She also LOVES food. She prefers ANY type of food over a bottle or nursing and also is equally as passionate about her sippy cup no matter what is in there. I love you Allie Grace I am so glad I get to be your mama.

Allie in her Easter Dress for her first Easter