Lord Captivate Me in the Wait

This week has yet again been packed with decisions and emotions for Noah and me.  First of all we decided to go with the apartment that I talked about a few posts ago.  We will be able to move in July 1 and we can't wait for the challenge of moving all of our belongings into a small apartment... should be an adventure. However the thought of having a small little place that only Noah and I live and and are able to bring a baby home to thrills me beyond belief.... I can hardly wait.  I can also hardly wait for the Lord to prove his faithfulness once again over our financial security.  As most of you know Noah and I are raising support for Noah's salary to plant the church that God has called us to plant to reach the city of St Louis.  In the financial times that we are in raising support is not an easy task.  For the first time EVER I have felt myself starting to get nervous.  I know God is faithful and I know he will provide but with the way things are going he is making it imperative that we trust him and step out on COMPLETE faith.  Lord captivate my heart in the wait.  I also decided this week that I can hardly wait to find out whether we are having a boy or a girl.  It seems silly I am sure but I have started feeling what I can only describe as slight twinges and every time I wonder if it is the baby moving.  My mind races every day as to whether I will have a son or a daughter and the weirdest things is a really don't care either way I just feel like I can't move forward in my obsessive need to plan without knowing.  Today as I was thinking about this God began to bring me back to the journey that we have been on that has brought us to where we are.  The pain and tears of longing for a baby seem so distant and yet it was only 17 weeks ago.  I am so grateful for the journey, I am thankful for deep gratitude it has given me for the life that God is knitting together in my womb. I praise Jesus for the wait and all that He taught me and continues to teach me in the times of waiting.  I was reminded today of my favorite poem and I wanted to share it with you.  May the Lord captivate your heart in the wait....

Desperately, helplessly,longingly, I cried.

Quietly, patiently, lovingly, He replied.

I pleaded, and I wept for a clue to my fate,

And the Master so gently said, "child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.

"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why.

Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?

By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future, and all to which I can relate

Hangs in the balance, and you tell me "wait"?

I'm needing a 'yes', a go ahead sign.

Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

And Lord, you have promised that if we believe,

We need but to ask, and we shall receive.

And Lord I've been asking, and this is my cry:

I'm weary of asking I need a reply!

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate

As my Master replied once again, "you must wait"

So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut

And grumbled to God: "So I am waiting for what?" 

He seemed then to kneel and his eyes met with mine

And He tendrerly said, "I could give you a sign."

I could shake the heavens, darken the sun,

Raise the dead, cause the mountains to run.

All you see I could give, and pleased you would be.

You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.

You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;

You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;

You'd not learn to trust, just by knowing I'm there.

You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,

When darkness and silence was all you could see.

You would never experience that fullness of love

As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.

You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,

But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late in the night;

The faith that I give when you walk without sight;

The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask

From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

And you never would know, should your pain quickly flee,

What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.

Yes, your dreams for that loved one o'ernight could come true,

But the loss! if you lost what I am doing in you.

So be silent, my child, and in time you will see

That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.

And though oft'may My answers seem terribly late,

My most precious answer of all... is still... wait.