Gettin Ready for San Diego and a visit from Nana

While Nana was here to visit Allie tried on her swim attire for San Diego and gave us a quick fashion show

Nana and Allie became best buddies while they were here. Allie helped Nana make coffee in the morning and Nana did almost ALL of Allie's feedings, read her books, took her shopping, played games and well spoiled her rotten. Allie was very sad to see her Nana go back to Florida but here are a few more pics from her visit.

Allie is 7 Months- May 3rd 2010

On Monday May 3rd Allie turned 7 months and I turned 26 :)

We started the day off with a trip to the doctor. I was going to cancel this appointment for Allie's 7 month check up but she had been pulling on her ear for about a week and I wanted to make sure it wasn't an ear infection so off we went.

Well Allie has NO ear infection. She is perfectly healthy baby and the doctor always comments that she is one of the healthiest babies she has ever seen.
She weighted in at 18 lbs - 90th Percentile
and is 28 inches long- 95th percentile
I forgot what they said her head was but it was about in the 56th percentile.
She also got her first shot today. I wanted to hold off till she was over 6 months before starting any shots and well she experienced her first today. She did pretty well she cried but only till I got the passy in her mouth and picked her up she was a trooper.

So far Allie is saying mama and dada but mostly dada ALL THE TIME...

She is starting to pull up on things and can stand for several minutes at a time holding on to something. She likes to walk while you hold her hands and she loves to play SO big. She throws her hands straight in the air and expects you to say it over and over again.
She flips all around in her crib and I find her in all kinds of positions however she seems to like sleeping on her tummy. I have to say she comes by it honestly, I am a tummy sleeper too.

After the Dr. we went to lunch with Nana for my birthday. We sat outside on the patio at McGurks in Soulard. This is by far one of my favorite places for ambiance to eat.

My baby and me on my birthday

Belle belle with Nana. They became buddies this week. Allie is going to miss her Nana when she goes home.

Oh so my 7 month old LOVES drinking out of straws. Where she learned this I am not sure.. she loves cups and when I let her try to chew on my straw one day she sucked the drink up and now thinks she should get to do this any time someone has a drink.

and yes I do notice what the cup says which just makes this picture that much more funny.

Allie getting LOTS of sugar from Nana.

Allie LOVED the fountain she was mesmorized by it and we couldn't get her attention away from it the entire time we were there.

Allie showing daddy where she got her shot at the doctor.

Now she has my card envelope from the card Noah gave me for my birthday.

Our little family before Noah and I went out to dinner for my birthday and Allie stayed home with Nana. It was so nice to get a night to ourselves and Allie had a blast with her Nana. (I think Nana had a blast too)

We went to Pi for dinner and had some amazing pizza.

and then went to Bailey's Chocolate Bar for dessert.. this is a new fav of mine.

There is the love of my life. We had a blast just spending the afternoon and evening together. I love you so much babe.

and we had lots of dessert... what can I say it was my birthday.

all in all it was a great day and I got to share it with some of my favorite people.

What I've Learned Through Suffering: Part 3 - Humility

If most people who have known me my whole life were asked to describe me, humility wouldn't be one of the dominant words. I was the energetic, outgoing middle child. I was the easily overachieving student and the full-of-himself athlete. I always had a girlfriend and I was all too sure of myself. Honestly, when it came to my personal life (education, relationships, career, etc) I believe that I had grabbed life by the horns and that I would just steer (no pun intended) myself to joy, happiness, fulfillment and success.

I gave my life to Jesus at age 17 just before my senior year of High School. Yeah, some of you who knew me my senior year might be like, "What?" But I had resolved in my heart to commit my life to Him and obey Him as best I could. Obviously, I have grown in my walk with Him and my obedience along with it. Although I now professed Jesus as Lord, pride was still the "sin that so easily entangled."

But God had a plan. I knew that pride would a gross sin that would keep me from being used by God and bringing Him glory so I began to pray all those proud prayers that only arrogant punks like me do just to sound cool. "God...burn the pride right out of my life. Whatever it takes! Consume me and make me useful for your work."

It was sexy to say...especially in the presence of friends and onlookers (oh what a Pharisee I can be) but when God begins to answer those prayers...

In January 2007 I announced to my pastors that I was ready for bigger things. I was told to find them. The stress of nowhere to go and no way to provide for my family mixed with a crazy virus landed me in the ER, followed by a life-flight only to end up in the ICU with pericarditis. Recovery was hard and slow. The couch, comfort foods, and a month of inactivity were not very kind to my already out of shape 24 year old body. Though I can look back now and speak about the time with ease and humor. I laid on a hospital bed holding my wife's hand thinking that I would leave her as a widow at 22.

I wasn't going to die, but I still needed to find a job until I figured out how to obey God and plant a church. So I jumped on the first opportunity (and only) that came my way. I went to a church that had a different vision that I did. They loved Jesus, but our methods, vision, and plans for the future, including my job description didn't mesh. After only 3 1/2 months I was let go. Fired... but I don't think they call it that in the church world too often unless its because of some moral flaw.

In an instant I was living in a house I could no longer pay for, my wife and I were both jobless, and we lived in an area where we knew no one. We were alone. I pulled down a few weeks of work at Wal-Mart and Heather worked at Cracker Barrel. I was trained by a high-school drop out and made barely better than minimum wage. I guess my Magna Cum Laude in Psychology didn't count towards much in the way of stocking shelves.

It was during that time that I laid away at night worrying and crying about the predicament I had gotten us into only to get up 6, take a couple Tylenol PM's to sleep until noon, get up, put on my navy blue shirt and khaki's and head to the Mecca of Low Prices.

One day, in desperation I called my uncle. He reminded me of my prayers. He showed me how pride was a mountain in my life. He told me that God doesn't place a mountain before us so that we can find a way around it, under it or through it. If I was going to get past the mountain of sinful pride in my life, God was going to make me climb it. The tears, worry, and shame all had to come flooding out. I had to let them pour out of my life if I was going to be done with them.

During those next few weeks I had to surrender to the will of God. I had to confess my sin of pride and learn to swallow it. I had to realize that God was the One in control of my life, not me.

This would be a theme that would keep coming up.

The death of my mother - no control.

Infertility - no control.

Financial struggles through church planting - no control.

What I've learned through suffering is my need for and God's continual provision of humility.

Last week when I heard the ultrasound technician say, "I'm so sorry." There was nothing I could do. I am a husband and a father. I am a protector my nature and a provider by call. But in those moments I was face to face with the stark reality that I was weak and I was empty. No athletic achievement, no academic award...no gift, ability, talent or strength could aid me in those moments. I had nothing.

Over the next few hours we listened to the doctor explain the situation and then drove home quietly, fighting back tears.

And each day since has had its own share of tears as I'm sure many more days will.

But in the midst of the pain and the tears, God is speaking.

"I am God. I am in control."

I was never in control. Even throughout the years that I thought I was...I wasn't. God was. He is. And He always will be. Suffering has shown me my fragility. It has shown me my finiteness. It has shown me that joy can turn to sorrow in an instant. It has shown me that I never again want to fool myself into thinking that I am my own god... pressing the buttons and pulling the ropes.

I was reminded this week of James 1:17. Every good gift comes from God and God cannot give me a bad gift. In the midst of my pain, God has given me the gift of suffering. Because of suffering I am a better father, a better husband, a better pastor and a better Christian.

God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.

God has uniquely gifted each and every one of us. We have inborn natural talents that we can choose to use for His glory or our own. He specially gifts every Christian for work in His movement of Gospel-redemption. But these gifts are just that...gifts. They are not ours. We love to sing sappy country songs about never taking a single breath for granted but most of us just love listening to ourselves breathe. We never realize they we're given every moment for a purpose...God's glory.

My desire, since becoming a Christian has been to bring glory to God. God has given me suffering to make my desire a reality.

What I've Learned Through Suffering: Part 2 - The Need for My Wife

In Genesis, God said that it was not "good" for man to be alone. Everything else in God's creation, He looked upon and called "good"... except for this one fact. Human beings were never meant to be alone.

We see in the whole of Scripture that the ultimate form of "community," the pinnacle of all fellowship is found between a husband and a wife. God designed this relationship in such a way to point to and magnify the relationship between Himself and His covenant people. That is why God calls a man and a woman to enter into a marriage covenant before Himself, their families and the world by vowing complete faithfulness as long as they are both breathing. God has designed marriage as the institution within which He shows the world their need for a covenanted, faithful relationship with God through the grace of Jesus Christ.

God also gave Adam his wife to be a helpmate. At August Gate Church we hold to a complimentarian view of gender roles. Both man and woman have equal standing before God as image bearers and equal standing before God as saved by the work of Jesus Christ. But we also see in Scripture that God has designed man and woman to serve in different, complimentary roles in the church and in the home. Neither is more important and neither role can function properly without the other. That being said, to call the wife a "helpmate" is nothing but an honor, not a degradation.

Let me explain.

Thought I often fail, I strive to be a godly husband that leads my wife and family by putting their needs before mine and laying my life down for them. At the same time, I am the strong, bold leader of my household. I pray for them. I share spiritual insight with them. I protect them. Though she may fail at times, my wife has always striven to be a submissive wife. In as much as I lead with Christ as my example, she submits with Christ as her example. I've always loved and appreciated that about her.

But even more, what I've learned through suffering is that I need my wife.

No one else knows our hearts the way the other does. Over the last week, we have stayed up hours talking through the issues our hearts are dealing with. We have had conversations that no one else would possibly be able to understand. We have spoken words to one another that no one else could possibly know we needed to hear. At times we've just cried and held each other as our tears intermingle on our faces.

At times, Heather has been my rock. When my mama died 2 1/2 years ago, I was immediately paralyzed with sorrow. Within minutes she had booked flights home, packed our suitcases and it seemed like she never left my side.

At other times, especially through our long months of infertility, I have needed to be the one that held her and spoke words of comfort and love.

With this loss, it has been a bit of both. Some days and even hours are better than others.

We know we will get through these dark days and trials of life... we always do. But we realized we will only get through them by the grace of Jesus Christ. One of the greatest displays of His grace to us as Christians is our Christian spouse.

For all my single friends out there, I pray that you would never settle. That you would wait and pray for God's best. You would search for (men) and be pursued by (women) only those who love Jesus first and you second.

For my married friends, you need your spouse. When suffering comes, you will only be able to turn to your spouse if you have cultivated that love in your marriage leading up to that point. If you neglect the garden of your marriage, when you come to find fruit in your time of need you will only find thorns and weeds. Start today...do the hard work, it is worth it.

Today is the 26th birthday of my beautiful and amazing wife Heather. I could ask for no greater helpmate. She loves me. She cares for me. She is my rock when I need something firm to hold onto and she is a wife that allows me to grow as a pastor-husband and pastor-daddy, as she needs me to hold her up. I pray that I will never take for granted the gift of God I have in her. And I pray that ever person that reads this will find what we have in each other.

What I've Learned Through Suffering: Part 1 - The Need for the Church

On Monday, April 26th, 2010 I felt my heart physically break. A lump formed in my throat, my whole body went limp and I felt an overwhelming sense of dread as the ultrasound technician turned the monitor towards us and told us that she could not find a heartbeat for our unborn child. In an instant, our life forever changed. This wasn't the beginning of our suffering, however. We've been on a journey, as many of you reading this have, for the past few years of our life. Following God's call to plant a church meant a long, hard road of struggles and discipline by Jesus. Coupled with that came the death of my mother in October 2007, a marriage-long struggle with infertility, and now the loss of our second child, whose conception was a miracle in itself.

As Christians we were never promised an easy life. In fact, probably the least "named and claimed" promise of Jesus is John 16:33, "In this world you will have trouble." The truth is, most of us will suffer. The question is, will we learn to suffer well? John Piper, the famous author, pastor and Christian hero has said, "God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him...in the midst of loss, not prosperity" and "suffering is a beautiful hermeneutic." What I believe he means is that suffering is the lens through which we can best understand Scripture and the best context to be a witness to the world around us. In light of these thoughts, I have chosen to write a series of blogs entitled, "What I've learned through suffering."

This is part 1.

We planted a church for many reasons: God's direct call, our burden for our generation, the desire to redeem truth from a church culture that has thrown it out the window. But one of the greatest reasons is to be a part of the organism that Scripture calls the Church. Many of us have gone to church for years. We imagine that a church is a grand building built to somehow "house" God. Its a building we go to learn about Him, sing to Him, and respect Him by taking off our hats and keeping our chatter to a whisper while the anger dude in the pulpit tells us how to be more religious.

But a funny thing happens when we actually read Scripture and see what it says the church is and should be. The church is not a building at all but a group of people, who have surrendered their hearts and lives to Jesus...who are called out of darkness and into and are sent back into culture on Jesus' mission of redemption. The church is one Body made of many members who literally need each other to survive or made any impact in the world around them. The church gathers to hear teaching from Scripture, remember the Gospel together through communion and worship and enjoy fellowship that God uses to challenge and transform our lives.

What I have learned through suffering is that I need the church.

Just hours after we heard this great and horrible news, God used the church to bring healing to our hearts. Over the next 5 days, my inbox and cell phone were flooded with emails and text messages expressing a deep, deep love for my wife and I. There were no cliches. There were no attempts to fix things. There was no sympathy... but a vast and expansive empathy as our spiritual family literally wept with us. The truth was, many in our church community felt such a part of our lives that our loss was their loss. They gave us space to mourn and grieve and they gave us ears to share the pain in our hearts if we needed to speak.

Greater than all this... they prayed.

No, not the Christian cliche that we often give because we don't know what to say and just respond to others' hurt with "I'll be praying for you" but we never actually plead with our Father in their place. Our Christian friends and family prayed for us. They asked God to flood us with His presence and heal our hearts. And as we know, God is faithful to hear and answer prayers.

My heart is still healing over the loss of our baby. But my heart breaks again over the fact that many don't understand the great need that we have for the church. Some run from church because they don't want to be judged or found out. Others run from any form of authority or discipline. Others have scars that have never healed from those who have abused their position as a member in the body of Christ.

There is no greater place to undergo tragedy than in the close, honest, and caring fellowship of a gospel community. And there is no greater place for us to continually be reminded to take heart because He has overcome the world. God has given us this great gift of His bride as we sojourn toward eternity. I pray you would find a gospel-centered church.

Sift Me Like Wheat

In times of mourning and tragedy I often find myself being captivated by the idea of a threshing floor and in the midst of our life's most recent tragic events it is in this image that I am beginning to find healing and ultimately hope for the future. I have modified a post that I made in 2008 because it was this post that I have read numerous times over this week and know that in its truth, the truth of the scripture that I find strength. My prayer is that I can become an example of how to suffer well.

As most of you know the first several years of Noah and my marriage have not been easy. I feel that we have been put through the fire and often selfishly feel we have walked this road too many times. I will not get into the specific circumstances of which have captivated our hearts, minds, and beings but trust me when I say that I wish these circumstances on no other person.

Luke 22:31-38… has often become my obsession when I am walking through the midst of any one of these trials. I would encourage you to read it for yourself but for the sake of keeping the flow I am going to focus on the first 2 verses of this passage.

31 Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat 32 But I have pleaded in prayer for you Simon that your faith would not fail.

Chew on that for a moment. This passage continuously hits home for me. My mind is immediately taken back to the night that Noah and I were engaged. If you have not heard the full story of the man prophesying over us ask me about it and I would love to fill you in… but for the sake of staying on point I will talk about a very specific point of that night.

As my mind is taken back to the beach in Ft Lauderdale FL around midnight with sand in my toes and the waves crashing behind me I vividly remember this man who told my future husband and me that anything that Satan would try to bring against us would have to go through God and He would have to allow it. I couldn’t fathom the depth of what that meant that night, I had no idea what the future had in store. I had no idea that that phrase would play in my mind year after year...

So back to the passage… two things stood out to me 1. Satan had to ask God permission and 2. Satan asked to sift him like wheat. Here became my obsession … what does it mean to be sifted like wheat? What is a threshing floor?

To give a very simple description a threshing floor is a place away from the town often on a high hill exposed to the wind so it can aid the workers. It is here where the wheat and the chaff are separated. The chaff, which is useless, blows away in the wind because of how light it is. The grain is heavier so it falls to the ground and is gathered for the harvest. I cannot tell you how many times God has brought this image to me in the midst of feeling "threshed" in order to remind me that He is the one who does the sorting in my life.

This brings me to one of my favorite passages in scripture 1 Ch. 21:18-28 (Please Read)

It is in this passage that King David goes to Ornan to buy a threshing floor from him, to build an alter to worship the Lord. When he gets there Ornan offers it to him free of charge. David insists on paying full price for the threshing floor and he says in verse 24 I will not offer a burnt offering to the Lord that cost me nothing. David grasps what true worship looks like, he grasps that true worship is a sacrifice of our lives, our wants, and selfish desires for His.

So what does David do next? He pays Ornan 600 pieces of Gold for the threshing floor then goes and builds an alter to worship the Lord.

How beautiful is that picture? The question then is...

How can I truly worship the Lord with my life and my whole heart if it has cost me nothing? Also when we do feel the sifting shouldn't we consider it a joyful experience? Oh this is so easier said than done. Trust me I know.

I so often find myself crying out to the Lord begging Him to tell me specifically what my offering should be, when He tells me I have to then ask for the strength to be faithful and give it away. This week that meant letting go of my second child. Though unborn this child was a miracle, a gift, and brought amazing joy to Noah and my life in the short 13 weeks of this baby's existence. and now I am seeking the Lord for strength to hand my baby to him.

Now my prayer is to be found faithful.

Little Sib you are now with Jesus and I know he will take good care of you. Know that your mommy and daddy loved you more than you could ever comprehend and my arms will always long to hold you but I am reassured in the fact that your life though short was a miracle that brought hope to so many people especially me. I love you baby... always and forever.

Allie Laughing- 6 Months

Catchin Up

April Happenings... This has been the first month that it has been beautiful outside so we have been regular at Lafayette Park which is conveniently right across the street from our house. Allie loves the park.

This was Allie's first time on the swing...as you can tell she didn't seem to enjoy it as much as I thought she would. However in her defense it was really close to nap time and she fell asleep in the stroller on the way home. Maybe attempt number two will be better on the swing :)

We love to go for walks on Saturdays in and around the parks and often to lunch with daddy. Almost EVERYTIME she falls asleep in the stroller on the way home.

This is the best invention ever made. Allie got this in her Easter basket and LOVES it. You but either a grape, apple, ice cube or really anything in it and she can suck on it. She gets SO excited everytime I get this out and let her have it.

Daddy has pretty much taken over bath time which I love cause it gives me a few minutes to myself and allows me to clean up after dinner so we can both relax once A is in bed. Thanks Daddy! Sometimes he gets in the bath with her and she just thinks that is the BEST thing ever :)

Getting to be such big girl she is going to be mobile before we know it.. she is so ready to take off and go. She can go in circles and backwards but hasn't figured out how to go forward just yet.

This month Allie decided she was DONE nursing. This was harder for me than anything. One day she was just done and has NEVER looked back. I am still pumping several bottles a day but she has started to supplement with a little formula. On the first day of having bottles she held it by herself. She is my little independent girl.

Easter Morning

Allie is 6 Months April 3, 2010

I can't believe my baby is 1/2 a year old. The time has truly flown by. She is such a joy and I count it a true blessing to be her parent. She makes Noah and me laugh on a daily basis. She is such a happy baby. All of our friends are continuously commenting on the fact that she is the happiest baby that they have ever seen and I have to admit she is rarely fussy...though she does have her moments. She has started sleeping on her side and wants to walk so bad, but her body just wont cooperate YET. She cut her first tooth and her second one was literally a day behind it so she is now sporting two pearly whites on the bottom. She also LOVES food. She prefers ANY type of food over a bottle or nursing and also is equally as passionate about her sippy cup no matter what is in there. I love you Allie Grace I am so glad I get to be your mama.

Allie in her Easter Dress for her first Easter