What I've Learned Through Suffering: Part 2 - The Need for My Wife

In Genesis, God said that it was not "good" for man to be alone. Everything else in God's creation, He looked upon and called "good"... except for this one fact. Human beings were never meant to be alone.

We see in the whole of Scripture that the ultimate form of "community," the pinnacle of all fellowship is found between a husband and a wife. God designed this relationship in such a way to point to and magnify the relationship between Himself and His covenant people. That is why God calls a man and a woman to enter into a marriage covenant before Himself, their families and the world by vowing complete faithfulness as long as they are both breathing. God has designed marriage as the institution within which He shows the world their need for a covenanted, faithful relationship with God through the grace of Jesus Christ.

God also gave Adam his wife to be a helpmate. At August Gate Church we hold to a complimentarian view of gender roles. Both man and woman have equal standing before God as image bearers and equal standing before God as saved by the work of Jesus Christ. But we also see in Scripture that God has designed man and woman to serve in different, complimentary roles in the church and in the home. Neither is more important and neither role can function properly without the other. That being said, to call the wife a "helpmate" is nothing but an honor, not a degradation.

Let me explain.

Thought I often fail, I strive to be a godly husband that leads my wife and family by putting their needs before mine and laying my life down for them. At the same time, I am the strong, bold leader of my household. I pray for them. I share spiritual insight with them. I protect them. Though she may fail at times, my wife has always striven to be a submissive wife. In as much as I lead with Christ as my example, she submits with Christ as her example. I've always loved and appreciated that about her.

But even more, what I've learned through suffering is that I need my wife.

No one else knows our hearts the way the other does. Over the last week, we have stayed up hours talking through the issues our hearts are dealing with. We have had conversations that no one else would possibly be able to understand. We have spoken words to one another that no one else could possibly know we needed to hear. At times we've just cried and held each other as our tears intermingle on our faces.

At times, Heather has been my rock. When my mama died 2 1/2 years ago, I was immediately paralyzed with sorrow. Within minutes she had booked flights home, packed our suitcases and it seemed like she never left my side.

At other times, especially through our long months of infertility, I have needed to be the one that held her and spoke words of comfort and love.

With this loss, it has been a bit of both. Some days and even hours are better than others.

We know we will get through these dark days and trials of life... we always do. But we realized we will only get through them by the grace of Jesus Christ. One of the greatest displays of His grace to us as Christians is our Christian spouse.

For all my single friends out there, I pray that you would never settle. That you would wait and pray for God's best. You would search for (men) and be pursued by (women) only those who love Jesus first and you second.

For my married friends, you need your spouse. When suffering comes, you will only be able to turn to your spouse if you have cultivated that love in your marriage leading up to that point. If you neglect the garden of your marriage, when you come to find fruit in your time of need you will only find thorns and weeds. Start today...do the hard work, it is worth it.

Today is the 26th birthday of my beautiful and amazing wife Heather. I could ask for no greater helpmate. She loves me. She cares for me. She is my rock when I need something firm to hold onto and she is a wife that allows me to grow as a pastor-husband and pastor-daddy, as she needs me to hold her up. I pray that I will never take for granted the gift of God I have in her. And I pray that ever person that reads this will find what we have in each other.